I want to show you how to achieve the impossible

Seeing what I do is straightforward, especially with my work with sports people. I’m fortunate to have a host of testimonials demonstrating the change that has occurred through our work together. Quantifiably, for a few of my clients, this has meant;

Going from wanting to quit the sport to a 55cm improvement and making the Commonwealth Games final in the Pole Vault.

Winning major medals after failing to make it past the qualification rounds previously.

Playing freely instead of vomiting because of high anxiety levels.

What is less visible and often a lot less clear is how this change occurs. Sometimes, after just a few conversations, significant transformations happen. This can seem somewhat intangible but is actually very simple. So let me try and answer one of the most frequently asked questions I get;

 “ How do you work?” (and in doing so, I want to show you how to achieve the impossible.)

There are fundamental principles that are the basis of our psychological experience. They are constantly in action; without them, we wouldn’t be experiencing anything. For the sake of simplicity, I’m not going to explore them today or get into why this isn’t more widely talked about. I’ve found that psychology is mainly focused on what goes on in our heads and less on how. I’m going to be making the case for why having a fundamental understanding of how something works is freaking useful. 

The most obvious example that I could give is that of gravity. It’s constantly in action and has no agenda but to act as the force it is. When we’re young and have yet to grasp this, we get into all sorts of trouble. Any parent will tell you how much time is spent keeping their children safe. Now, as they grow up and develop their understanding of the world, we no longer have to look out for them in the same way. Our behaviour adjusts accordingly.

The same is true regarding germs. We know to wash our hands and clean surfaces when preparing food, and doctors sterilise their equipment. Once we understand how a system works, our behaviour changes automatically; no willpower is required. So, hopefully, you can see that understanding is critical to creating permanent change, psychological or otherwise. 

So, how does this look in terms of my work? I have a conversation to gain clarity on how my client views the world. This will expose areas where they’re on track, and somewhere they’re struggling.

We always struggle when we’re not operating in line with the design of our psychological system.

Much in the way that we’ll probably get sick if we eat food that’s gone off or fail to wash our dirty hands before eating. Through questions, gentle guidance and pointing, I help my clients see where they’re currently off course.

As a crude example, let's say that an adult who’s a roofer comes to me with painful legs. They keep on having bad accidents, sometimes resulting in breaking bones. It becomes obvious that they haven't learnt about gravity and the dangers of high drops. And I know that as soon as they make the connection and find a greater understanding, all of their issues will be resolved. 

This problem would never occur because the cause of our injuries is visible. With our psychology, we don’t have this luxury. It took hundreds of years for germ theory to become accepted, understood and for common practices to be in place. All because the problem wasn’t visible. And this is the exact challenge which we all face with our psychology. The challenge is further magnified by the fact that our mind is designed to make our experiences look and feel extremely real, regardless of whether it’s based on fact. 

The evidence isn’t immediately apparent without scrutiny. But the great news is that the validity of our perceptual experience always falls apart under scrutiny, which is a rather wordy way of saying that our experience of life is variable and utterly independent of our circumstances. 

To be clear, I’m not saying what we experience isn’t true. I’m not here to deny anyone joy, despair or anything in between. I’m pointing to the sheer variability of our experience based on our state of mind.

Have you ever “got out of the wrong side of the bed?”  One of those days where nothing has changed, but everything was a struggle or not going well? That’s all down to our state of mind.  

Now, because we can’t see what creates our experience, it’s REALLY easy to attribute what we’re thinking and feeling to that which we can see—that annoying person, that email, that competition, etc. Being on the hook like this, believing that the world works from the outside in, is the cause of all of our suffering. 

You may have noticed how arguments with your partner, spouse, or friend rarely, if ever, go well once one or both or you are in a poor state of mind. We don’t perform well from here. Ever.

The secret to performing well in all areas of life is directly related to your level of understanding at any given moment. Knowing that we can experience the same competition, conversation or presentation in a multitude of different ways offers space. We’re no longer tied to the habitual narrative in our heads and get to experience something fresh and new. 

So that’s how I work, and why is it important for you? Well, If you’re anything like me, you’ll want to get the most out of yourself and life. For a long time, I thought of this in terms of athletic and sporting potential.

If we used the below scale as a guide, I’ve forever wanted to occupy that thin slither of space before physics denies us. 

This scale also applies to the psychological forces acting upon us every moment. What is possible exists beyond what we can currently see. We are all prone to being limited by our perspective. The most vital step to progress towards our potential is to become aware of that limitation; once we do, we automatically create space for the possibility of something more. 

“It always seems impossible until it’s done.”

Nelson Mandela

In 1954, running sub 4 minutes for a mile was widely considered impossible. Within six weeks of Roger Bannister breaking that landmark, his record was shattered by nearly 2 seconds. Seventy years later, sub 4 minutes is almost routine and the marker of a world-class runner. 

Whatever you are up to, I hope you are pursuing the impossible. To do so, we are on a never-ending search for greater understanding. This leads us to a more authentic version of ourselves, more compassion for others, and more time spent in our zone of genius.